|
Blonde Stewardess
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route
they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the
captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to
eat, shop and stay
overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's
route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she
was in at the
hotel
and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone,
crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of
your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied: "There
are
only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the
closet,
and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!" |
Family Death
One day a neighbor of the blonde's go over to her house and sees the
blonde crying and asked her what had happened and the blonde said that
her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and
settled her down a little and then left. The next day the neighbor went
back over to the house and found the blonde crying again. She asked her
why she was crying again. The blonde replied with, "I just got
off
of the phone with my sister, her mother died too! |
Suicide Bet
A blonde and a brunette
are
sitting in a
bar
and watching the 11:00 P.M. news. A man is standing on the ledge of a
high-rise building, contemplating suicide. The brunette says to the
blonde: "I'll bet you $20.00 that the man jumps
off
that building and commits suicide." The blonde thinks for a moment then
replies: "OK, you're on!" They watch for a few minutes and sure enough,
the man jumps
off
the ledge. The blonde sighs and reaches for her wallet, but the brunette
stops her, saying: "I can't take your money - I feel too guilty. I have
to confess that I watched the 6:00 P.M. news this evening and I knew
that the man would jump. The blonde replied: "Oh!
I watched the 6:00 P.M. news too, but I didn't think he'd jump
off
again. |
Cheating Boyfriend...
A Blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out
and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough,
she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the
blond is angry, she opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does
so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her
head. The boyfriend yells "No, honey, don't do it." The blond replies
"Shut up, you're next." |
Selling a Car
A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems
selling it, because the car had 250,000
miles
on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a
salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car
easier to sell, but it's not
legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."
"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He
owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter
in your car back to 50,000
miles.
Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore." The following
weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after
that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?" "No,"
replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000
miles
on it." |
The
ventriloquist
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a
bar
in a small town. He's going through his
usual
run of stupid blonde jokes, when a big blonde woman in the fourth row
stands on her chair and says: "I've heard just about enough of your
denigrating blonde jokes, Ass hole. What makes you think you can
stereotype women that way? What does a person's physical attributes have
to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep
women like
me
from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full
potential as a person... because you and your kind continue to
perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large...
all in the name of
humor."Flustered,
the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up, "You
stay out of this.
Mister,
I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee!" |
The Coke machine
A blonde walks up to a Coke machine in a Las Vegas casino, puts in a few
coins, and out pops a Coke. She puts some more coins into the machine,
another can of
soda
pops out. She keeps putting in coins, and cans of
soda
keep coming out. A guy walks up behind her and says, "Can I please use
the machine?"
"Get Away!" she says. "Can't you see I'm winning?" |
At a pharmacy
At a pharmacy, a blonde woman asked to use the infant scale to weigh the
baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out
for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by
weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing
the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first. "It
won't work," countered the woman. "I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt." |
At
the gas station
A blonde is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas so
she stops at the gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices
that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she
asks the attendant for a hanger so she can attempt to open the door
herself. She goes outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes
later,
the attendant goes outside to see how the blonde is faring. The blonde
outside of the car is moving the hanger around and around, while the
blonde inside of the car is saying, "A little more to the left... a
little more to the right!!" |
Back
to the Joke menu Back
to the main menu |
|