A husband went to work at 9 in the morning as usual. For some reason he had to be back home later during the day while running some errands. When he entered the house, he was surprised to see his wife in bed with a man who placed his head on her breasts.

The husband demanded, "What on earth are you doing?"

To which the stranger nonchalantly replied, "Quiet! I am listening to music !!"

The husband shoved the stranger aside and said, "Let me listen!" and placed his head on his wife's breasts.

He exclaimed in suspicion, "I don't seem to hear any music."

"Of course not," quipped the stranger, "You're not plugged in!"

"So let me get this straight," the prosecutor says to the defendant, "you came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man."

"That's correct," says the defendant.

"Upon which," continues the prosecutor, "you take out a pistol and shoot your wife, killing her."

"That's correct," says the defendant.

"Then my question to you is, why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?" asked the prosecutor.

"It seemed easier," replied the defendant, "than shooting a different man every day!"

This married business executive had to make a trip to Palm Beach alone for his corporation.

After a few days he was enjoying himself so much that he decided to stay another week as part of his vacation.

Wanting to share this newly discovered paradise, he wired his bachelor friend:

"Take next plane for fun week on me. Bring my wife and your mistress."

His friend was quick to wire back... "Your wife and I arriving tomorrow 11.30 a.m. How long have you known about us?"

"That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker," the housewife told a neighbour.

"You didn't do it, did you?"

"I have to admit I did - though with certain misgivings, I might add. What I haven't done, though, is tell my husband the rent is paid up for six months!"

After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past. "C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?"

"Baby, " he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit."

Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.

"Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen..."

Once upon a time, King Arthur was preparing for a long campaign. Wanting to make sure the lovely Guinevere was safe from temptation, the King had her fitted with an ingenious chastity belt that amputated anything attempting penetration. King Arthur then rode off to battle.

Returning victorious six months later, the suspicious King ordered all the palace retainers to drop their pants in the courtyard. One by one, King Arthur saw stumps where their penises had been, except for one man who stood intact at the end of the line.

"At least one amongst you is virtuous enough to resist temptation. A man of honour indeed!" cried the King joyfully, throwing his arms around his loyal retainer. "And what is your name?"

The man blushed and replied, "Aaaaghkohullhh."