On their wedding night, the young bride told her groom, "Since we're married now, we can arrange our sex life like this: In the evening if my hair is done, that means I don't want sex at all. If my hair is somewhat undone, that means I may or may not have sex. Last... if my hair is completely undone, that means I want sex."

The groom replied, "OK, honeycup. Just make sure that when I come home, I usually have a drink... If I have only one drink, that means I don't want sex. If I have two drinks, I may or may not be wanting sex. But if I drink more than two... your hair won't matter!"

A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled.

The farmer said, "That's once."

A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again.

The farmer said, "That's twice."

After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.

His brand new bride raised all kind of heck with him, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do."

The farmer said, "That's once."

On the first night of their honeymoon, the very naive virgin bride slipped into a sexy, but sweet nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her husband had settled down on the couch.

When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "Because it's Lent."

"Why, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard," she exclaimed, close to tears. "To whom and for how long?!"

On their wedding night, a young couple finally retired to their hotel room. After making her preparations, the bride left the bathroom to find the bridegroom on his knees in front of the bed.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm praying for guidance," answered the young man.

"I'll take care of that," she replied. "You better pray for endurance.

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night - whether you're here or not."

A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

"Well," said her mother, "so how was the honeymoon?"

"Mama," she replied, "the honeymoon itself was wonderful - so romantic! But..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "Mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language - things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home... PLEASE MAMA!"

"Sarah, Sarah, her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?"

"Please don't make me tell you, Mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed - they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE !!"

"Darling baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. I'm your mother - tell me these horrible 4-letter words!"

Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mama... words like: Wash, Iron, Dust, Cook..."